Fail,

I'm done. I'm done trying with them. I'm caught in their choke hold, and they don't know it. They don't fucking get it, and probably never will. I'm so sick and tired of the bullshit I have to put up with. Hindi ko kaya. I can't. I just can't do it anymore. I'm done.

I had the worse wake up call yesterday. I've never had such a feeling in my gut that spikes me so hard. My grandpa. My papa. My angel. He had a heart attack. I called my aunty right when I got to work. And once she said those two pain staking words, a knife stabbed my back, and I fell to my knees. I cried so hard. I ran to Kuya Laurence and Aj and cried. I choked and cried. I was shaking, that I couldn't even manage to stand or breath anymore. Why him? How? WHY!? So much fucking questions ran through my mind within a minute, tick tocking away. I called my mom and she told me to run to the bank and tell them I can't go in today. And thank god they let me off. Matt came back to pick me up and basically sat and cried the whole time. He dropped me off at my family's house in Waipahu and waited for my aunty and went to the hospital. Once we got to the hospital, it began to rain, like crazy. Dark, cloudy, and gust of wind blowing rain onto me. Me and my family got to the hospital and walking in the room had to be the most scariest thing. I saw my grandpa, and there he laid so helpless. Not moving, and remaining in a unconscious state with breathing machines down his throat. Right there and then, I hit the ground and I just sat and cried to myself.

It was the most hardest thing to see, ever. And since it's my first time dealing with this kind of thing, it hit me pretty hard. I've never seen anything so helpless, and I wish I could just do something about it. But I can't. All I have now is god, and I just need to keep my faith, hope, and pray.

I love you, papa <3