Sometimes,

I wish you could understand. But I highly doubt you do. Just look at what your doing, I'm not doing anything. Your putting yourself through your own fall. All I asked for was my space, from the both of you. I'm not pushing anyone away. I'm still here ain't I? I'm standing right next to you, but you keep thinking I'm just moving farther and farther away from you.

I don't understand what's going on in this world anymore. I'm not doing anything. I know I'm not. I'm just doing my own thing. I don't think I need anymore explanation cause I'm sick of explaining myself already. I've done the best I could, and I think it's more than enough. And plus, I'm already dealing with my own shit, I don't need anymore of this bullshit. My subsequent downfall is my fault? I'm not the only fucking one in this world. Everything is all out in the open. There's no more fooling. I hate this stupid plays and tricks.

And for you, I hate this. I hate like I'm giving in to you. I feel like I'm always the one coming back, falling into your arms, when in the first place, I didn't want it. Then why am I doing this? WHY? It doesn't seem like your ready. And your in your own place, so I'm trying to be on my own. I didn't know it was going to be this hard, but what do you expect? I keep falling more and more, it's like I'm tripping on every fucking step I take. I'm going crazy. I don't know what I want anymore.

One thing I hate about being open with my feelings, is hurting. I don't want to hurt anyone, but in this case, one person is always getting hurt or fucking up my words with a misunderstanding statement that I didn't not position for that case. I'm trying so hard to be open, but at the same time, I'm holding myself the fuck back cause I feel like I'm crossing the line. I probably already did, but fuck it already. Fuck it all.

Don't act like you give a shit. Cause in my eyes, I don't see shit. How can someone say they want you? They love you? They want to be with you? and look, nothing. You guys don't know me. I fucking expect everything. I have my standards and so far, no one has ever soared that high. I don't think I ever want to deal with another guy. I'm sick of it, really. I think I just want myself for the rest of my life. How can you love someone? How can things go downhill in a short time? Look at my parents, and now this bullshit? I don't think I ever want to love someone again. This pain is too much for me. I don't want to be with someone who hurts me and can't control and open their damn eyes. I don't want to ever end up with what my parents went through. Maybe that's why I always wanted things to be perfect. but you know what? Fuck it already. FUCK LOVE. I don't need it anymore. I'm done.

Thank god I have someone who knows what I'm going through. She's going through the same shit I'm going through too. And me and her just fuck it. HA, stupid tricks. Right Chantel? They don't know what they fucking want. Their ego is always in the fucking way, that they can't see how we're feeling and what they're putting us through. We ain't doing shit. And I'm fucking sick of hearing how it's my fault. Fuck that man, FUCK THAT.

Deuces.