goodbye 08, hello 09!

NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONS:

( ) maintaining focus in school as the new semester begins.

( ) get good grades.

( ) exercise more after my pelvis heals.

( ) to be one pants size less.

( ) decrease the procrastination use.

( ) save more money for better wealth.

( ) get a second job with a decent pay.

( ) to maintain and get closer with my relationship with god.

( ) read my bible at least a few times a week.

( ) be more independent with myself.

( ) to be a better and understanding girlfriend.

( ) to be a better help and shelter for my family.

( ) hang out with my friends more.

( ) help myself become more self directed, to lead me in the right path of success.

( ) stop lacking confidence in myself all the time.

( ) get over my fear of driving by my self, ever since my car accident.

( ) save more money to go to vegas with my main girls.

( ) get my new honda civic with baby.

( ) get back into tennis again.

( ) boxing boxing boxing, please?

( ) to stop swearing so much.

UPDATE LATER :)

almost the time of the year,

So, it's almost that time of the year again, christmas, then 2009! Wow, 2008 has gone by so fast, it's thrilling. Christmas is in approximately 2 days and tomorrow is Christmas eve, YAY! I mean, it doesn't even feel like it's christmas, not really hitting me there yet. Well, I got this mean fever + cold kinda thing happening right now, and this is the worst I've been feeling since forever. I'm guessing this is the after math of all the stress from work and school :( As long as it doesn't ruin my winter break, I'm all good. I so want to go all out this winter break. You know, have the late night chills sessions, day outs with the my girls, hang with my best friend, boyfriend + girlfriend quality time, spend time with my family more, and all the good stuff. Well, when I get better of course :D 

So, sunday night, me and baby went to see city lights downtown with lianne, justin, glory, and tyler. It was fun, and baby was excited since it was his first time seeing the city lights. At first, I thought that was pretty whack. My first reaction was "WHAT? you never seen the city lights before?" and he just gave me this clueless face saying "NO?". Then, I saw his face light up when we got there, and it was pretty exciting for all of us :) He was the photographer for the night, since he had my camera the whole time. I miss seeing lianne, since I haven't seen her since forever! After the whole city lights, we went to zippy's in nimitz and ate dinner there. Thanks baby for paying for me since I had no cash, haha.

Alright, just wanted to update you bloggers. Catch yah laters <3

chop suey,

so, things have been moving quite smoothly this month. hopefully, it stays that way for the winter break, due to the fact that i've been stressing from school. but thank god first semester of college is done. the days are going by fast, and there is approximately four more days until christmas. it's not hitting me, just like how i turned 18 two weeks ago and that hasn't even hit me yet, ahah. but christmas is coming, and i haven't even went shopping for presents. i don't expect anything for christmas, really. everyones like looking for the materialistic things, meanwhile, i just want to spend time with everyone around me. 

hopefully, i passed my three classes this semester. if i didn't, then damn, that's some bullshit right there. my classes next semester are hella hard, especially since there the pre-requisites for nursing. next week before christmas, i gotta talk to my manager at work if i can change my shifts for the weekends. i mean, yeah, working at the bank during the weekends are stressful, but maan, i'll be making cash. plus, i'm getting a second job. so great, more things to keep me busy.

okay, i just wanted to update my blogspot since it's been a while.

laters.

missing,

i don't want to sound like a baby, but i miss my boyfriend a lot. i haven't seen him for a whole week since i'm working, he's working, school, and everything else. i hate not seeing him, i just feel so incomplete. i mean, i'm left off with a bunch of space, but it's just not the same. i can't wait! i get to see him tomorrow after i finish work, finally! 

and yeah, work is hella stressful. it's like another fucken school subject for me with all the shit i have to do. it's no fun, forreal. school ends in about a week and i'm stoked! but i yet have so much to do since i'm still trying to make up my work from my accident. but i'm ready! i just hope i pass. after all that is done, i get to cruise and i'm finding a 2nd job. gay, i know. but hey, girl needs money to pay for school.

countdown to my eighteenth birthday is 1 more day :) CHEEEEEEEE!

don't worry,

i've been trying to keep my head up high this week. it's been hard, but i'm managing. so, i started working again. and honestly, a college girl working at a bank is quite stressful. i totally forgot all of my duties on my first day back. it wasn't a smooth ride, but a learning experience. i should listen to my mom and not take it so negatively. i told my mom i wanted to quit, but i don't think she wants me too. although it's a good title and everything, it's just something that doesn't fit my forte.

other than that, school is getting there. the procrastination comes and goes, but i'm managing to take control of it. i've been getting my work done, one step at a time. but i really need to get it going since i only have a week and a half left of the semester. and yet, i still have so much to get done! i hope i pass my classes this semester. the break time from my accident really put me down. i really hope i get everything done in time. no exceptions!

i'm praying for my dad. not seeing him for another five years, plus the years we haven't seen him is so depressing. but it's all for the best, right? i'm accepting the fact that my own dad hasn't reached reality yet. after 11 years, it's still taking him this long. i just sometimes wish he realized what he had in front of him before. a loving family, a great job...he had everything. and it's been tarnished due to the fact of a devil that sucked him in. you'll always be in my heart dad. 

i'm turning eighteen in approximately four days. i'm not as excited as i thought i'd be. i remember when i was younger, i'd be awaiting for the moment of my birthday. but i guess as you get older, it just becomes another day. that's quite sad actually, ahah. unfortunately, i'm getting older. i wonder what is in store for my birthday? hint hint, lol.

alright, i'm out with this blog. going to TRY (keyword: try) to go to sleep now.

KEPS!

it's reality,

five years is too long. five years, five years, five years. you just miss so much in five years. five years without seeing your face just adds up to all the years i haven't seen you. the five years that you'll miss. the five years of not seeing anyone. the five years you need in order to come back to reality. the five years of not celebrating christmas with your loving family. the five years of no decent fresh air. the five years that could have been something else. the five years ... the five years that's going to fly by slowly. and the five years, when your gone.

it's been a couple of weeks now, where i just sit and wonder. when i actually thought i would get to see my own father again. unfortunately, he ends up moving more distant that i thought. 

i love my dad. i really do. growing up, i hated everything about him. i hated what everyone had to say. the fact that i was looked down on for being his child. i hated him. i hated him so much, i never wanted to see his face again. come to think of it, i need watch what i saw next time. cause look now, reality strikes. 11 years now, up and down the street, it's been this way. this wouldn't have happened if he saw reality. if he could only come back to his senses. 

my dad, i'm going to miss him. five more years to add of not seeing him. being shipped off to a federal prison on the mainland doesn't sounds so great. i just keep thinking, why? why does it always have to be this way?

i almost cried today after hearing the conversation from my grandfather. i don't even want to think about it, but it's seems so legit to write. my dad visited them for one last time. my papa asked my dad "so, how many more years?". my dad answered "5 years" and asked my papa "how old are you going to be in 5 years?". my papa answers "91 years old". and my dad begins to cry, cry, covering his face with guilt and shame. listening to my aunty, papa, and my mom talk about that made my heart dread inside. i felt like crying a river after hearing that. it made me melt to the floor, and i just don't want to think about it anymore.

it's just another one of those sad goodbyes.