drive slow - kanye west ft. paul wall,

i've been contemplating so much lately. this and that, left to right, just basically everything that had been going on got me thinking. 

i went to school today, and i only had math, so thank god. since my accident, i've missed three weeks of school and i missed it a lot. math is usually a chill class, but since everyone moved on to another math class for second quarter, i'm left behind with others who did not pass or understand. my teacher discussed that i will be able to move on but i'm doing it by self pace, and basically, that means i'm teaching myself. so, i thought it was pretty fair. i stayed for half an hour more after class to correct my review worksheet. me and her had a deep conversation. at least i know she cares since she knows what i'm going through. she's been in the same position as me, so she understands. she said she wants me to take care of myself since i'm still young because there are going to be long term effects later when i get older. it was neat having a bond like that with a college professor. but after that, i left and went home.

i was suppost to see my boyfriend today, but his mom didn't want him seeing me since i live so far away. he's in waipahu and i'm in salt lake, so it's a pretty far distance. so, i understand. i'm just sad cause i miss him. i'm scared we might drift since he's working now, and i'll be going back to work + school. i'm barely going to see him and barely talk to him cause he's always tired after work. i just hope everything works out cause i don't want nothing bad to happen between us again.

laters <3

lesson learned - alicia keys ft. john mayer,

it was another sleepless night for me. got to talk to my baby before he went to bed. i was grouchy as hell, but he understood, so i'm glad. i ended up crying to him on the phone because i've been so fustrated lately. ever since my car accident, everything has been piling up, one after the other. i know i'm going through a lot right now, but i don't understand why - WHY ME? i vented to him about it cause it's not fair. it's not fair at ALL. don't you realize how good, decent people go through hell? and those that do deserve it don't go through with it? UGH. my only reason i sought out for this explanation was that god challenges us. he does, all the time. it's all a test of life to prove others and yourself that you can work through your challenges. well, after the advice from my boyfriend and that lesson from god, i felt so accomplished and motivated. i've decided to just look at the situation at another perspective, and that is to be OPTIMISTIC.

so, it's been another lesson learned.

get it girl - bun b ft. ying yang twins,

Which one is you?

1) i remember the first time when you said "hi"to me. it was in the school bus, and i wondered every time why you would say "hi" to me for. actually, i thought it was the cutest thing ever and that was a start of something new. but it came between choosing you or your brother, and thank god gave me you. i know, i know, it's all a funny story. you know what happens after that right? ;D thank you for every single thing you've done for me. you may not realize it now, but you've given me so much, and you've taught me so much about myself i never knew. i want us to continue what we have, because i don't want to lose you, never ever.

2) i remember when i met you through other friends. we weren't as close until later when we started having the same classes. intermediate days? remember? i bet you do. ever since then, you've always been there for me. even after i moved high schools, we still remained to be best friends like we promised. we've done so much together and know so much about each that i can't believe it. the years flew, and it's been almost 5 years? that's amazing. your one of the girls i can trust, no matter what. i can tell you everything and anything, and your always helping me through and feeding me advice. thank you so much for your friendship, and i don't want to lose you as a best friend, we're sticking through thick and thin, until the very end.

3) i known you since the six grade and we we're tight as ever. we did everything together and talked on the phone, but we got into drama in intermediate for stupid reasons. but we're better now, and i still can call you one of my longest, best friends. me and you basically know a lot about each other, and we've basically gone through almost the same things in life. you we're always there for me whenever i needed someone to talk to. until now, i never realize how long we've been through with each other. your also one of the girls i can tell anything too, trust right? thank you for always being a friend to me, and i hope we get closer like we we're back then.

4) the time i kicked your chair in PE when you sat in front of me? remember that? that was me making trouble to you, haha. i bet this gives you a hint - i gave you the nickname "watermelon" because i would always beg you for li hing mui watermelons from 711. you got it right? that was a great start of an interesting friendship. i know we had some drama back then, and i'm still very sorry for hurting you like that. i didn't want to hurt a friendship, especially one that we have. i still consider you as my best "boy" friend, even if i'm not yours anymore. i have my reasons, which is because i can trust you. when we're together, my heart spills around you and i can't stop talking. telling you things is never a trouble or neither is it hesitant because i'm so comfortable with you and i never felt that with anyone else. no matter what, you've always been there to guide me through life. you may not realize it, but you feed me through our deep conversations that you get me thinking about life. it's amazing how everything we talked about in the past is still clear to me, til this day. i hope we get closer like we we're before cause i really miss you, a lot.

5) "alright - class, this is 'whatever'." omg, remember that? i remember seeing your face laugh when our science teacher announced that. moving to a new high school was hard for me, but you we're one of the girls that made it much easier. meeting you was a great blessing. throughout the four years, me and you stuck together like right and left nut should be ;D we had some rough drama together back then, but some how, we always came back together like glue. i never left your side, even now that i don't see you as much - i'm still here, no matter what. i don't want to lose such a great friend like you. me and you we're complete opposites, but we perfectly fit together. i miss our "gossip" moments during break and our laughs we shared. we always shared secrets together, knowing it would be locked safe in our hearts. i miss you a lot, and i hope we get back together like for old times sake, and become closer.

6) the girl that always made me laugh and that was you. you always knew what to say at the right time, just to make me feel better. you've done a lot for me, even if we weren't as close. we didn't talk for a while until senior year since we shared a class together. your one of the girls that showed me that there was always hope and to always stick what you believe in. you we're like a mother watching out for her daughter and protected me, so i wouldn't get hurt. we've confided in each other when it came to secrets and i know you'll always have my back. i miss you, and i can't wait until you come back.

7) i know we don't see each other as much or hang out, but i feel like i've known you for so long. we always talk like we've known each other for a long time. we even talk about personal matters, which mean we can trust each other. you may not think so, but you've help me realize a lot about myself - which is pretty amazing cause not a lot of people do that. i just hope we get to be good friends in our circle of friends cause i wouldn't want to lose a friend like you. your so cool and so chill, and i find it cool how you can juggle so much, yet have time to do so much. i think your a strong person also because of that. 

8) me and you only got to know each other during our last years of high school. i must say, it was a pleasure to have met and get to know you for the time being. even if we didn't know each other for a long time, i feel like we've known each other forever. your like a big brother i never had. even though your thousands of miles away, you still watch over me like a big brother. i miss you and i can't wait til' i see you again. you we're one of the best :)

9) you and i have been tight since sophomore year. there we're time when i got irratated at your smart ass, but you've helped me realize a lot. you're also a big brother figure to me. we've shown each other that no matter what, we're always going to have each others back. just recently, you've trusted me with your secret and i respect that a lot. looking back, i feel that you we're one of the closest guys i could tell anything to. and i'm glad we still have that bond, cause i wouldn't want to lose a great friend like you.

* more coming.

forever - nb ridaz,

ever since april 21, 2005 ♥

this boy - my best friend, my boyfriend, my everything. after all we've been through together, i can still look him deep in the eyes and tell my heart that he's the one. i honestly don't know what i'd do without him. he's done so much for me and he's taught me a lot, even if he doesn't realize it. after what happen in the beginning of this year, i didn't think me and him would have been together after that. my heart ripped out of my chest and was threw to the ground like it didn't matter, well at least, i didn't think it mattered to him. i'm not going to bring up what happened cause it's the past. but that was a downfall of our relationship. we broke up, and everything just began to fall apart even more. i didn't think he would come back to me, but he did after a while. during that break we had, i decided to still be best friends with him, and everything did work out. after some time, he began to change. it was hard, but i gave him another chance. another chance to take my heart and put it back as whole. it was tough, but he's proving it to me. until this very day, he's become a better person. he's shown me that no matter how big a mistake can be, you can always learn from it. and after that, it's no longer a mistake, just a time in life that has passed.

he's become better in time and i'm blessed. he may not be the "perfect" boyfriend, but he's perfect in my eyes. even after what happened, i would never, ever trade him in for anything else. for the past three years, i never gave up on us, and i never will. he showed me how to love again, even when i was almost at the end. after all the lies, he showed me truth. he learned, i learned, we both learned. we both have become stronger in this relationship, that no words can explain. we barely fight/argue now, which is amazing cause we used to fight all the damn time. goes to show how things can change, after some time.

but baby, he's got me sprung. he has me feeling this feeling i've never felt before. even with the sound of his voice, i get the biggest butterflies in my stomach. like butterflies flying through a garden of roses. i love how he does the weirdest things just to make me smile. i love how he makes me laugh to the point i just want to pee. i love the way he takes care of me, just like a doctor. i love the way he watches over me when i'm sleeping, and i don't even know it. i love the way he holds me close, the feeling that he's never going to let go. i love how he texts me random things. and i love the way he tells me "i love you" - by the looks in his eyes, you know that he's TRUE <333

and boy, do i love you, mister mark lasquite ♥